DJ Khaled - Father Of Asahd

I want to hate DJ Khaled with all my heart.

He doesn’t rap or produce music, he’s been on a diet for 3 years and hasn’t lost weight, he speaks in motivational gibberish and I’m pretty sure he says “Nigga” even though he could be an extra in Aladdin.

I want to hate this man so much..but I can’t. DJ Khaled is the type of person your friends love but you hate at first because his energy clashes with yours/he might have fucked your crush. But when you finally have a one on one chat with him you realize he’s a good dude and never asks for gas money.

I love DJ Khaled, because his whole aura reeks of a man who should be full of shit..BUT HE ISN’T.

When he said We The Best, he meant that shit. When he said Bless Up, he prayed for this shit. When he said he doesn’t go down on his wife, his beard was too dry for him to be lying. This is a man of conviction. He never stops working and never stops succeeding. My theory is that he speaks a level of English that only rich people understand. Sorta like how King of The Hill fans can understand Boomhauer perfectly.

But this isn’t a backhanded love note to DJ Khaled, this is a review of his new album: Father of Asahd.

Every Khaled album sounds like a night club I couldn’t get into. All the features are exclusive and the songs are overproduced. Each song feels like an inside joke or reference to the people who are on it. Actually, the SONGS take a backseat to the feature list. I spend less time listening to the song and more time thinking “oh wow Khaled got THESE two together?” This album is no different.

The whole time I listened to this I felt like I was at the cool kids table; I do not belong. This is music you listen to on a sunny day in a droptop next to a girl taking selfies while you almost hit a dude in an intersection. The guy in the intersection is me; I’m walking to the train and doing the best I can.

What I will say is Khaled does his best to keep us involved. Khaled wants everyone to belong. He wants everyone to own his sneakers, hang out with his friends and hold his child (who as Fat Joe mentioned, NEVER cries). Only problem is, we all can’t do this. His sneakers sell out, his friends have bodyguards, and I’m pretty sure there’s laws against picking up stranger’s kids. DJ Khaled is Mr. Peanutbutter from Bojack Horseman; he thinks that if he’s having a good time, we all are.

Overall this album is ok. There’s gonna be a couple singles that we hear all summer ad nauseam, a song that sounds just like an old hit song that then becomes a hit song and there’s a good Nas verse that makes you wonder why Nas didn’t let DJ Khaled executive produce his album. As I said, this is a typical Khaled album. If his albums were movies they’d be the Fast and Furious franchise, which can be a positive or a negative depending on who you ask.

I give Father of Asahd 5.5 “seriously, I’ve never seen Asahd in a bad mood, what drugs does this baby take” tweets out of 10.